Monogamous birds, typically, instead of the female opting for a good match, she picks the accountant 90% of the time
the monogamous partner is the polyamorous one, if they're OK with having that relationship where their partner is able to see other people.
in non-monogamous relationships. And so the interesting thing is they found in this study that generally, non-monogamous and polyamorous relationships are perceived negatively
who are monogamous .
as non-monogamous or wants to be non-monogamous and the other person doesn't?
So maybe are you monogamous ?
People cheat because monogamous commitments are a fucking trap.
They make a monogamous commitment.
That undermines a monogamous commitment.
A marriage can be monogamous or not.
He was monogamous and believed in monogamy.
The people who are non-monogamous and polyamorous-- it's not just your burlesque dancer cousin who goes to Burning Man every year.
to people who are in monogamous relationships.
Maybe you identify as non-monogamous , and you meet someone that you really hit it off with, you really like them, but they want monogamy.
If your boss finds out you're non-monogamous , there's no legal ramifications for them firing you.
And also, just like monogamous people, individual preferences and amount of sex can vary from person to person and relationship to relationship.
in relationship functioning and relationship success between people who are non-monogamous and people who are monogamous .
So don't trash monogamy if you are non-monogamous .
Do we-- Find trouble meeting-- Meeting other non-monogamous people?
The West Coast tends to have pretty robust non-monogamous communities.
But it was basically saying that men had to become monogamous in order to get married, which gave them access to women
And those would be things like stories about non-monogamous relationships, queer relationships, even stories about relationships
And maybe that encouraged pair bonding and the more sort of monogamous social relationships that humans have.
That doesn't mean that I'm opposed to all monogamous commitments, or I think everyone who makes a monogamous commitment or wants a monogamous commitment is
But the way we talk about monogamy sets up all monogamous relationships for failure because what we tell people is that sexual exclusivity is
And so many of us go around saying "I am monogamous in all my relationships," and that seems totally natural.
But you can see it in the policy of every single monogamous species, which includes humans, but we have data for birds.
behave, they're not actually behaving in a monogamous way.
So when people talk about their non-monogamous relationships, they come up against all sorts of misunderstandings and misconceptions about what it is.
So the next myth that we're going to tackle is the myth that non-monogamous relationships are unethical, or that they are coercive.
And what we mean by this is if somebody comes to you who's non-monogamous and starts talking to you about maybe issues that they
The other thing is that there's actually a lot of people in the non-monogamous community that rather than pushing for marriage rights,
--and vegans can find each other today, non-monogamous people can find each other today as well.
So what would your advice be for somebody who maybe hasn't had success with monogamous relationships or is like, oh, what else is out there, I don't see a lot of examples of that?
So somebody understood that the human inclination is not necessarily so singular and monogamous .
And I mean, I've been consciously non-monogamous since 1969.
And the only way to train for monogamy is to abstain or be monogamous , actually.
It's not that we need to be non-monogamous or that we need to be in these kinds of relationships.
For example, a person who is quite happy being monogamous , they may learn about monogamy, or may be worried that their partner will learn about non-monogamy,
So there was a study performed at the University of Michigan specifically on trying to figure out how stigma affects non-monogamous relationships, or people
And so that means that even people who are polyamorous, or non-monogamous , can still cheat on their partner, if they lie about it, if they omit something,
And in reality, polyamorous and non-monogamous people have ethical codes just like anybody else.
And it makes sense because the same way with monogamous relationships, the way that you create your relationship is going
And the reality is that actually, people who are not monogamous have comparable relationship satisfaction and experiences
So next is if you do practice non-monogamy, or you identify as non-monogamous , what can you do to help make this world a safer place?
And it can also mean speaking up if you hear someone else trashing on someone else for their non-monogamous relationship.
It's a relatively common situation that we see, especially in couples who maybe have been monogamous for a long time and then one of them realizes, I think I want to try this,
or why rape happens or why men and women cheat on one another in an otherwise monogamous union, then somebody will come along in a very irate manner
It's something we both value, and we agree that we're going to be monogamous for now.
is not the same as the conversation about monogamy because infidelity occurs in consensual, non-monogamous couples too.