figure out who's been naughty and who's been nice. Most of it is done as I said automatically, but occasionally when there's a question about something, the elves do review it, flag it, and send it to Santa for a look. Now, handling all this data has also givenSanta and his, you know, Santa's operation, they've developed tremendous skills with handling these loads and loads of data. So, they've actually started in terms of new revenue streams, they've started
so it does take them a while to get up to speed. So, yeah it's a big question. I-I've got to believe that maybe these drug pods that Santas use are also implanted in the elves ' brains and just sort of keeping them giddy. It sort of, again it makes me wonder why we are supporting this guy when he is doing things like this. You know, like keepingthese elves chained to one position for 150 years, not giving him any opportunity for advancement, and watching us constantly, you know? Yeah.
in the mornings before school and buy the crystals while they were still warm do you believe that man they conjured images of white gloved kebler elves Keebler elves excuse me pulling trays of meth from the heart I mentioned to him that in the states people don'tusually brag about their love of meth uh you keep it to yourself like an old DWI or an old case of genital WS but he was
So it was a really fun process in that respect. of elves and halflings.
you know, the puppet will be like doing drugs, and we're like is this-- not that any of the Squickerwonkers do drugs. And elves are the best looking in that world, right?
elves ' brains and just sort of keeping them giddy. It sort of, again it makes me wonder why we are supporting this guy when he is doing things like this. You know, like keepingthese elves chained to one position for 150 years, not giving him any opportunity for advancement, and watching us constantly, you know? Yeah. Male #2: I know that Santa is a real guy and has to rely on organ printers. And I was
We turn the lights down, in all the rooms for any kids who are affected by bright lights. And many of our elves are special education teachers and therapists who truly understand the needs of these kids. - Woo! - Yay.
There's only a few writers who do that for me on a regular basis. But it'll be elves , dwarves, and hobbits.
I've never heard of a member of the mafia who ever finished high school. These were sent to elves in Switzerland, who created them out of glass.
talking about each Santa guzzling down four million ounces of milk. Now he can't just work all this off by going to the North pole and having a personal trainer up there. Even though the elves are very, very skilled personal trainers, he needs additional help. So he's got, you know, he's got a gene therapy program. He's got organ printers up there so if the liver or the kidneys start to go,
How many of you have seen "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?" OK. So there are a bunch of elves . And there's one elf, Hermey, who says, "I want to be a dentist." And the head elf says no, you're a toy maker.
There's only a few writers who do that for me on a regular basis. Be a big old honking doorstop-- elves , dwarves, and hobbits.
There's only a few writers who do that for me on a regular basis. They won't look like elves , dwarves, and hobbits, because I'll have painted them and filed off the serial numbers.
she was there. They just didn't name her. They talk about the Silvan Elves , and they don't give any of them a name or a face. And so we just got to meet a few of them.
and they had all this information about dark elves , just a little bit here and there. And the theme folio, one of the first edition monster books had just come out and they had like a one page entry on dark elves . And so I had all of that, I gathered all of that and I'm reading it and I'm like "Oo that's not a lot" So I called up to TSR and said "ok I've got all these things, what else are you going to send me?" And they said "That's all there is" I said "Wait a minute what are you talking about?" And they said "Oh no,
of what that character is. And every now and then something new will break out, I mean, I know that better than anyone, all of a sudden dark elves became really popular, right? Right that was crafted by the elves 3000 years ago to kill that dragon. So he stabs the dragon and it dies. So that's deus ex machina the gods intervene essentially. Jarlaxle is my
He can't -- there's no way he could do it all himself and, umm, it would be pretty hard for the elves to do it as well 'cause you've got say 300 million kids who need one elf per kid to constantly keep his
So it was a really fun process in that respect. Like, elves are much more conscious of the land and they're going to recycle every part of an animal.
So it was a really fun process in that respect. Whereas, elves , like you were just saying, they might age something.
And there really had been no fantasy wargaming products before this. And it detailed how you would fight with orcs and elves . It had wizards who could cast fireball and lightning bolt.
Like when did it actually begin? When did people begin making up fictional languages of elves or things like that? Like there has to be a point where that started, right?
The fact is that even if we manage to completely change the way our cities behave, geoengineer the planet, fix the environment, live in beautiful cities that look like trees and become elves or whatever else we're going to do, there's still a basic problem. I mentioned to you earlier that these previous mass extinctions, one was caused by mega volcanoes.
I've never heard of a member of the mafia who ever finished high school. And I doubt if he even mails them to the elves .
nodding, the classics the ones that followed the Giant series. The Scent of the Depths of the Earth, Queen of the Spider Web pits, and you know and I, so I took the old modules and they had all this information about dark elves , just a little bit here and there. And the theme folio, one of the first edition monster books had just come out and they had like a one page entry on dark elves . And so I had all of that, I gathered all of that and I'm reading it and I'm like "Oo that's not a lot" So I called up to TSR and said
to happen in 600 years using a medium that I would argue is the biggest thing to happen in you know 22 or 2400 years your product right will the idea that it's baked by elves in a hollow tree spread on social networks or will the
operation. I think we have a little bit of a case of a really big, Big Brother. And finally, I'm going to introduce a new Android App, The Santa Detector, which was developed with the help of a few elves . It's related to the surveillance problem. Basically, it alerts you when one of Santa's flying drones is nearby and either listening in on your conversations
So this is the sorta stuff that Santa has going for him up at the Pole and everything is automated and just bad behavior -- only the -- only the really bad behavior gets forwarded to the elves so they don't have to sit in front of the screen all the time. They're only really hitting the highlights.
'Cause on occasion, Santa does like to be seen by certain kids to sort of keep the belief in them about -- alive. And when this happens, he's totally happy So the way to turn those people into elves would be some kind of mind controling reading device. That's all he needs.
I've never heard of a member of the mafia who ever finished high school. He builds-- pff. "Builds." He has elves build 45-foot-high bunny rabbits, with various vegetation growing on them to give them a
"ok I've got all these things, what else are you going to send me?" And they said "That's all there is" I said "Wait a minute what are you talking about?" And they said "Oh no, we're giving you carte blanche you're going to created the dark elves in the forgotten realms" I go "Ok" so I went and I got out one of my favorite books of all time the Godfather, Mario Puzo's The Godfather. And that is the, that is basis for the structure of the dark elvin city. Well that and the fact that I have five older sisters. They always
I mean and then the people came back arguing with Sony about "You shouldn't ban him. You know these drow elves are supposed to be evil and look at the quests you give them in the game, these are not drow elves these are tier dal. They are different, they have their own thing and blah blah" And then I posted on this big fight that was going on on one of the message boards under my own name and I said "Then why do they all have V's and Z's and apostrophes in their name" Sony didn't appreciate that, but, so, you
say 300 million kids who need one elf per kid to constantly keep his eye on the screens. So 300 million elves up at the Pole would be pretty tricky, , might be a bit of a reading problem and Santa actually likes to clone them so that would be tricky.
They -- they hop states and counties, and countries and they're zigzagging all across the world. This makes tracking them pretty complex because even though they each have a little GPS device on them that tells the elves where they are, you know, every -- every, you know, fraction of a second that keeps doubling as the Santa comes back in time and goes forward in time and comes back.
Figuring out why people who choose not to do something choose not to do it is like trying to interview the elves who live inside your refrigerator,
Oh yeah, I think I took a crack at dwarfs an elves with long bows and stuff, so it really looked like I was either
And I don't think, you know, I maybe it's becoming more homogenized but that's only because it's everything you can do is being done, so it's starting to seem cliché. I remember this great time when EverQuest came out there was they had tier dal, the dark elves , right? And of course they were very, "This is our world, we created all of this stuff" and, I always got to laugh at that, because it was clear that they're a bunch of D and D players, I mean, the trolls regenerated, I mean it was D and D. Right? And one guy
that very well and he twists them around because by killing everyone basically. Wait a minute you just killed every character in the last book and there's another book? Oh yeah. But but you can't, if you started having dwarves dancing under the stars and elves mining in dark holes, it's just, it's become so familiar to people now there's a comfort level of of having a basic understanding of who these character race types are. And that comfort level is very important. Even if it's, you know, China Mieville writing about moth people,
data, you know, software, they're-they're video analysts. They're working with the different audio stuff that comes in. They're kind of changed to their cubicles and their computers all day. Occasionally he does, a few very talented elves , he will let them work with the technology and try to make improvements. But as I said it is advanced and technology so it does take them a while to get up to speed. So, yeah it's a big question. I-I've got to believe that maybe these drug pods that Santas use are also implanted in the
years that this ice sheet is melting and the tops of Santa's facilities are -- are now starting to melt. And this is tough 'cause he's a busy guy, the elves are busy, they don't want tourists coming up there, bothering them, slowing things down. Right?
'Cause on occasion, Santa does like to be seen by certain kids to sort of keep the belief in them about -- alive. And when this happens, he's totally happy The problem is that would be parents. They aren't -- they aren't elves .
themselves in some instances. And so we went through, well, how do we want to make the elves look as they're preparing food? How do we want to make the halflings look as they're in their shire or what have you?
So it was a really fun process in that respect. those would come back and we would realize, oh goodness, we forgot to mention this or that about elves or halflings.
You should set out to tell whatever you want to tell, and don't be thinking about budget of having elves and doing CGI.
But he's also an ally to the rebellion. They want to actually figure out what the scientific laws are or the biological, like what's the history of elves or what's their culture like, what's their language like.
And more troubling is Joyce's tendency to shade his villains in dark colors, such as the attacking army of dark elves in "Santa Calls."
The transition to teenager-- I love the scene in which you're asking your dad, there's no magic in the world really, like elves and stuff.
She kind of has the keys to what it's really going to take to win this thing, whether it's the princess of the elves or the princess of the muggles
One is because this novel is very much a quest, and of course, it itself pays homage to every YA fantasy series with dragons or elves in it.
who would, you know you could write your own stories for the characters in EverQuest, he had written his story. And, he got banned because it was just he was a wretched drow, I mean and then the people came back arguing with Sony about "You shouldn't ban him. You know these drow elves are supposed to be evil and look at the quests you give them in the game, these are not drow elves these are tier dal. They are different, they have their own thing and blah blah" And then I posted on this big fight that was going on on one of
his son and his granddaughter and they're all reading the books, right? It's multigenerational now. And so there's comfort food in that. There's an elf in a book people have a feeling of what that character is. And every now and then something new will break out, I mean, I know that better than anyone, all of a sudden dark elves became really popular, right? Right after I started writing about Drizzt I got letters from DM's all over the country cursing me. Because every player in my group wants to play a scimitar, wielding drow ranger and