That's right. That's right. And you know, this book, um, it's an extension really of your earlier book on attachment patterns. And I feel like, um, we could use a little grounding in those concepts before we dive into thenew stuff. So, can you just lay out very briefly the three different attachment styles that you identified in your book,
that attachment is a basic need just like food and water. And at the time the the whole Freudian school was no no attachment happens because the mother gives food and uh water and like sustenance to the child. So then theyattached to her because they learned and he said no you actually got it wrong like because he actually worked with
Right. And maybe you're missing out. Um because like when you told me like something about struggling with attachment issues and that we can learn and it's really simple skills that we can learn to actually uh align ourselbetter without uh attachment logic.
and work. Uh you can see it much more easily with kids. Um like when they like if they you bring them that's where the attachment styles were found in the strange situation test. You bring a child to a room full of toys and immediately they start playing with allthe toys and every once in a while they look at their dad or their mom to see if they're there. Um but but and when
safety and that really is the basis of uh living in secure mode or secure attachment those micro interactions.Why do those little micro interactions, you know, being ignored or or or shunned
It's what underlies the principle, my home is my castle. Attachment turns out to be the most important tool that we have to stop or slow climate change.For those of you who voted with James Beech, the guy in back with the knee defenders, you're telling a different story.
Very interesting. Yeah. We really amplify our own emotions to our children. Attachment works like this-- initially in life we have this strong interdependence with our parents.
many ways in tandem but not always you can line bed at night and feel deep attachment to one person and then swing into feelings of wild romantic love forsomebody else and then swing in feelings of the sex drive even for somebody that
And it's very closely related to this other thing that we refer to as attachment . Attachment in psychology and in our well-being is a really big and vast concept.This is where a lot of research takes place today.
require that Attunement and that contact that's the that's the basis of secure attachment that's one of the reasons now when you look around at kind of modern education you get so much criticism fromthe science Community as they call it like the Lord of the Flies effect anyone want to guess what the Lord of
He says, "Parenthood is above all a relationship, not a skill to be acquired. Attachment is not a behavior to be learned, but a connection to be sought." OK?So we want someone to come in and say, well just do A, B, and C, and it's all going to be good.
This becomes extremely important in adolescence. Attachment is what we have as mammals.This is the old mammalian brain.
This is the old mammalian brain. Attachment is where, as a kid, you rely on another person, your parent usually, an attachment figure, to give you four S's.They see you. They keep you safe.
The employees are virtually in a state of suspended, repressed psychological and emotional development. Attachment theory provides really the basic models of trust that go back literally from the day we are born.
So you are also hard-wired to have a double standard. Attachment is now being linked to so much stuff that's happening later in life.
mother and didn't attach perhaps and so that the thinking always was that then you would not be able to have an attachment with your own child often times and this was not the case at all that the children were attached to themother and vice versa in the nursery setting so a lot of really good information came out of the study and
female staff: There's one question online. attachment things that are going on and they wanna look to you and see, "Is this ok that I still do this?" And if you say, "Yeah, it's ok that I still do this. Yeah, it's still
i did i just stabbed this man i couldn't stop and i couldn't stop you know so that that is the challenge attachment so they set about actually sabotaging the good relationship that's been built
Another one is the shoulder. So, shoulder in the shoulder you have um a quite a few different muscles and tendon attachments . So, the rotator cuff is um is actually four different tendons attaching on the head of the humerus,which is this upper arm bone here.
of the relationship. So these are the secures of this world. They're just warm and loving. I have to say there's one more attachment style that's more rare and it's a combination of the anxious and avoidant. It's much more rare. Uh and it's called fearful avoidant. So here you really are fantasizing about closeness and wanting a relationships
the most surprising results. They followed people for 30 years and they know their attachment style like when they're kids and then they know their adult attachment styles and they saw for example there's very little effect of parental uh behavior on adult attachment style. For example, they saw that the maternal effect was something around the
essence. Um, Bulby who's the father of adult attachment , who's the father of attachment in general, he had this idea that attachment is a basic need just like food and water. And at the time the the whole Freudian school was no no attachment happens because the mother gives food and uh water and like sustenance to the child. So then they
it and he saw that it's just as important as food and water. So I think but attachment styles I sort of deviated a little bit but I'll go back to the attachment styles. there a script and um there's something that we tell ourselves about ourselves like I can't
superpower, but they don't know how to control it. So, like backfires and they get into trouble. That's my view of anxious attachment or neurosis. like they're not an immediate link, but like that ability to spot things in their environment because and they actually there's research into that that shows that if you give people like a more
And so if you wanted the MagSafe version, they improved that too with the magnets more flush on the wallet for a flatter, stronger attachment to an iPhone. So yeah, head over to ridge.com/MKBHD to check it out. Or at the very least, enter for free, just because...
another attachment with the font size like maybe 18 times bigger.
Who gets these new resources like droneways and wind for windmills? So attachment turns out to be the most important ownership principle that most people have never heard of. It dates back thousands of years.
this behavioral preference for things associated with the parent, is the foundation of what we call attachment behaviors. And attachment is the survival strategy of a young animal. So unlike the adult, who uses fight or flight as a survival strategy, those strategies are useless to a young animal
his attachment to the timeline, and his being in possession of the codes-- it was too much evidence.
clinging attachment . That's what really imprisons us. It's our own arrogance and
This attachment that they have and when you see the movie there's this incredible attachment .
And attachment parenting is a specific parenting theory that talks a lot about how and where your child should sleep, and how you carry them, and how you feed them.
Maternal attachment -- there was one study that found that maternal attachment at 18 months to a child was a better predictor of high school graduation than IQ was.
And I feel better. An attachment figure soothes the person who's attached. OK, so what's so important about this in adolescence?
So you are also hard-wired to have a double standard. So attachment is primary.
Those attachments are probably a function of something that did not work in your own childhood.
Your attachments will fall away, and so that you will experience this interconnectedness.
This is called cis-attachment .
That's the trans-attachment . But now there's more room for them to lay flat.
Clearly an avoidant attachment style, which obviously makes 100% 100% Yeah.
We have an attachment hierarchy in our brain. Sometimes for different things, you'll go to different people. But if you're securely attached with them, sometimes just a single word or a hug will can has the power to make you feel
attachment issues and that we can learn and it's really simple skills that we can learn to actually uh align ourselbetter without uh attachment logic. You know the one thing that helped me as much as anything actually internalizing the the fact
then because there was just no formal therapy to help people um do that like the whole attachment styles is not part of clinical uh work in adulthood. Um, and I stumbled on it by chance. But I think u the way
uh we know our brain knows maybe a part of it for me is I don't I don't quite know the distinction between say an attachment style and a personality type right so like a lot of what you describe as insecure or anxious
self- scrutiny. It's just like it's not there. so predictable from the point of view of of an attachment of keeping those seen those seemingly insignificant minor interactions and a secure
self- scrutiny. It's just like it's not there. so predictable from the point of preverbal and attachment doesn't care about the who's right and who's wrong
self- scrutiny. It's just like it's not there. so predictable from the point of from an attachment logic like things are right if you feel connected. So if you
And that attachment is very powerful.
When you buy a piece of land, you just got a deed, which is a sheet of paper. So the attachment principle is what determines whether you own oil or water below your land, or present conflicts today over air above your land. Can a neighbor fly a drone over your backyard?
The trackers are trespassing into their lives. It's possession versus attachment all over again. So metaphorically, Facebook and Amazon are essentially leaning their data trackers into our virtual apps.