I like that. Anything else? inner critic . Inner critic .Yeah. That person who's saying-- I like the big jerk one, because I do think sometimes that inner editor is saying, you're not a writer.
particular, there's your creative like dreamer voice, there's your voice that's like super inspired, right? And so, yes, the inner critic is there. Same with the guilt, right? It's there, but it's just one piece and it doesn't need to be the thing that's constantly um like it doesn't always have to have the microphone. One thing on compassion that
performance, right? We all need a little bit of competition. The problem is when your inner critic is motivated by shame, like when it's mean, right? My cat Fifi loves to come on podcast.
So we have these things about ourselves, and really the war that's happening is inside our head. The inner critic is driving us, and that's why this book is out, and that's why I did the Self-Love Experiment So just as I take you through the process, think about where your insecurities have been blocking you, what flaw do you wake up in the morning and focus on, because this process will reverse it.
That's a gift. Can you talk a little bit about-- in our previous conversations, we've talked about the voice. This relentless inner critic telling us that we're not good enough and that we're lazy. For me, you called it the power through voice.
that um sometimes it can be confusing like sometimes the distinction between your drive and your inner critic can come up. Um, so in real self-care, I have little sections that are kind of like sounds great, but and it's sort of like the most common questions that my patients ask me. And it's sort of like,
there was um addiction, right? Then you might have grown up in a home where you internalized a cruel inner critic . Um and that that's a place where therapy can be really helpful. You know, with real self-care, I actually include in every chapter there's little sections
Why are you being so pretentious to think that you can write a novel? Or the inner critic is more I think what I was talking about earlier, where I'll write a sentence, and it'll be like, that's just a crappy, banal sentence.
the research shows is that, like I said, it's it's an tremendous source of acknowledging the inner critic and then just saying is there another part of me that also usually wants the same goal. I
When do you hear the voice of I'm not ready yet? That's usually your inner critic . For women, interestingly, there is really not good research that says we have more self-doubt than men.
So listen. Particularly when do you notice that voice of, I'm just not good at those kinds of things. That's your inner critic . You might notice your inner critic is often also for women the voice of body perfectionism or self-consciousness around our bodies.
That's your inner critic . You might notice your inner critic is often also for women the voice of body perfectionism or self-consciousness around our bodies. It tends to be a very repetitive, broken record kind of voice.
But the way they talk to you about those concerns will be very different. So the inner critic will sound more anxious, more chattery, more repetitive. I'm not sure if I'm ready.
And that is an intimidating enough narrative to get most of us to stay in that comfort zone. So the inner critic is a strategy that your safety instinct is using to make sure you don't do things that raise that risk of emotional vulnerability or possible emotional discomfort.
and feeling like it's not going to come across right, and you're hearing a lot of self-doubt about what you're saying, to actually picture that inner critic voice leaving the room, or picture the character leaving the room. And then come back to your screen.
But that actually can make a really powerful difference for people and how present that voice is for them. So noticing the inner critic voice, learning to live with it, not waiting on confidence. Please do not wait on confidence for anything that you're wanting to do.
that it's keeping me from liking my job. That's your inner critic .
And it's a wonderful thing to write a lyric because you have this prompt. But that's your inner critic is telling you that.
And it's a wonderful thing to write a lyric because you have this prompt. And maybe your inner critic is being too harsh with you.
And it's a wonderful thing to write a lyric because you have this prompt. And my inner critic was deafening.
And it's a wonderful thing to write a lyric because you have this prompt. And my inner critic on that occasion was correct.
And I've done so many events where I have a young woman in particular. It just came from his own inner critic .
It works. And it works in the seconds. When we have that harsh inner critic , when we have that voice internally that is looking to criticize us or demand perfection,
I was on a trip in New York, and I had never like shared any of the phone numbers, how to get in touch with schools, We have one coach who names her inner critic mean old Nonni, and anytime that voice starts to come up, she goes, oh, that's mean old Nonni just trying
not enough. But the Self-Love Experiment gave me the process of saying, oh, yes. You talk a lot about the inner critic , and I think that we can all relate, especially being here.
It moves forward down a path of reasoning, whereas your inner critic is going to loop and loop and loop. So why do we have this inner critic ? What is it? What is it?
It can also be fun-- just a few more playful strategies you can use. You can create a character for your inner critic . So think about if you were going to give it a personality, what kind of personality, what kind of character personifies it for you.
And it's a wonderful thing to write a lyric because you have this prompt. You've got to silence your inner critic because you know you say there are eight or nine that are not working.
I often find for myself that the time when I would probably most benefit from connecting to that part of myself is the time when I'm least able to. It's the time when I'm very Bradley Horowitz: dealing with the inner critic .
And just so many happy memories eating that. And going through workshops or working with a therapist on the inner critic , and self-judgment, and self-worth are really important.
And I think for a lot of us, right? Because the interesting thing-- and you could call this your inner critic . You could call it automatic negative thoughts.
In my instance, it wasn't so much that fear as it was that my inner critic . I don't know if you have an inner critic , Eileen. Yes. They're noisy sometimes.
really led to a lot of anxiety and stress that I've faced myself, too. And a lot of it comes from this sort of inner critic voice, this feeling that I could never be good enough. DR. LISSA RANKIN: So I took a job at an integrated medicine practice, and my patients were eating their vegan diets, they were drinking their daily green juice,
to a lot of anxiety and stress that I face myself. And a lot of it comes from this inner critic voice, this feeling that I could never be good enough. There are all these negative thoughts that I've dealt with in the past, things like telling myself, gosh, I wish I could get more done.
not enough. But the Self-Love Experiment gave me the process of saying, oh, yes. And you also talk a little bit about how inner critic , especially for you, led to a lot of self-sabotage and so on and so forth.
So starting to notice that voice. A question I get a lot around noticing the inner critic is what's the difference between the inner critic and realistic thinking? Right. There's good critical thinking that might realistically assess something and come back with yeah, it's not that good.
More fearful about future consequences. And you'll notice that if it's your inner critic , it's not trying to move towards any solution or resolution of the problem. Realistic thinking might say, you know, I am not sure if I am ready, if I have what I need to take that stretch assignment.
It doesn't like that if I apply for this, I may get it or not. And then you can start to see why the inner critic is speaking up. It can also be fun-- just a few more playful strategies you can use.
note, take your inner critic , those voices that say you're not good enough, you're not smart enough, you're too old, you're too young, as a sign that you're exactly on the right
and I know this sounds super silly. It's very silly, but it's funny like in psychology the silly stuff kind of it can work. So you can name that inner critic voice. So I my my inner critic is Angelica from Rugrats, the older sister character. She's like very bossy and horrible. Um I had a patient whose inner
like sounds great, but and it's sort of like the most common questions that my patients ask me. And it's sort of like, well, if I didn't have an inner critic , like would I ever get out of bed in morning at the morning, would I ever be on time with any of my deliverables?
I think this is partly why we seem to have this strong inner critic , this part of us that is sweeping inside for, am I safe?
I'm not good at that, right? So how do we know when we're hearing that more irrational inner critic versus realistic thinking? And the way you can tell the difference there is really the tone of the thoughts in your head.
And just so many happy memories eating that. When I have a busy brain and I'm stressed out, they are the inner critic , the voice of judgment.
It's the only way it knows how to help us so we can say to our inner critic , thank you for trying to help me.
And that was nothing to do also with the fears that we have about embracing our voice, like the fear of judgment, or the fear of failure. In my instance, it wasn't so much that fear as it was that my inner critic . I don't know if you have an inner critic , Eileen.
Maybe, what would it be like to appreciate that inner critic that, I think, just really wants us to be safe?
Yes. Two hands. Two hands go up. Yeah. Anyone feel like you don't have an inner critic that you're burdened by or affected by as you move through your life or your work? OK. Yeah. So most of us are aware that we do have this voice in our head that says not very nice things to us about ourselves that
Oh, there's no way I could be the person to do that. Things that maybe we just feel like that's true about us or that's our way of thinking is often the inner critic . So the first piece of work we need to do is start to recognize when am I hearing my inner critic .
Things that maybe we just feel like that's true about us or that's our way of thinking is often the inner critic . So the first piece of work we need to do is start to recognize when am I hearing my inner critic . And start to notice that as a voice in our heads, not just how my thinking sounds, not just that's who I am, but start to notice it as one voice