Listen to native speakers pronounce “defensiveness” in real conversational contexts with synchronized timestamps and subtitles.
Who knows why, exactly.Defensiveness is one of what are referred to as the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.Some of you may have heard of that.
So criticism and defensiveness go hand in hand.Defensiveness is warding off a perceived attack.So if your partner is a master criticizer, you are going to become a master defender.
And you're sort of, like, counterattacking.Defensiveness can also look like whining.Oh, why do you always pick on me?
if you imagine you're the horse.With defensiveness, the most important thing is understanding your own early warning system.It's why I jokingly entitled this DEF COMM.
And that's the wrong way.But defensiveness is a counterattack, or it's playing the victim.
The third horseman is defensiveness.And defensiveness is usually either, I did too pay the bills, you know, kind of that righteous victim thing?Or counter-attack. Oh yeah, well, you didn't pick up the dry cleaning.
Improv is full of those moments.is the defensiveness, how Trump has to defend these noxious actions.
OK? Second one is defensiveness.So criticism and defensiveness go hand in hand.Defensiveness is warding off a perceived attack.
So, contempt actually erodes the immune system as well as the heart, the relationship.The third horseman is defensiveness.And defensiveness is usually either, I did too pay the bills, you know, kind of that righteous victim thing?
means I have no idea why you did what you did.And that will require managing your defensiveness, because most people will be over the net.
this is something everyone can work on, nobody's perfect at, and everybody can learn.This really helps us overcome defensiveness.We want people to be open to the idea, and actually want to learn, and learn new tools that could help them.
When we start talking about other people's comfort, you're so used to it working for you that just the slightest bit of upset--there's a lot of defensiveness that really happens very quickly with that, and it's not helpful.So again, this is not about you, and I promise you, every single woman engineer in this room has heard these opinions 100 times before,
It happened in the 1960s.It's that now waves of defensiveness have overcome all of society.
And she said, you apologize all the time.But we went into it not from a place of defensiveness, but from a place of-- we feel really great about our approach.
I'm not telling you not to complain in your relationship, I'm just asking that you don't criticize.OK? Second one is defensiveness.So criticism and defensiveness go hand in hand.
Or counter-attack. Oh yeah, well, you didn't pick up the dry cleaning.The counter-attack. Defensiveness is the hardest one to eliminate.How many of us have been defensive?
So John and I are continually still working that, after 30 years.It's tough. So defensiveness is a response to feeling attacked, that's why we get defensive.The fourth one we call stonewalling.
But based on the math model, now, you have to do work, or the relationship deteriorates over time.And I think the work really is down-regulating your own defensiveness.Which means that when your partner is angry with you, or disappointed in you, you've hurt your partner's feelings.
Maybe not the 'fuck you, Mom' part, but still.And then my mother said something that absolutely demolished my defensiveness.And I don't think it all the years I've known her that I've ever heard her sound more vulnerable.
Maybe not the "Fuck you, Mom" part, but still.And then my mother said something that absolutely demolished my defensiveness.And I don't think in all the years I've known her, that I've ever heard her sound more vulnerable.
But if we understood that racism is much more nuanced than that, particularly in the modern era-- it might have always been more nuanced, but it certainly is now-- then wecan have a much better talk without the same levels of defensiveness.So when I use the term racism and I talk about racism as a problem, I am not presuming in this or any other company to
He's an MD. It's a very straight-forward, scientifically-based book on the nutritional aspects of mentalOne that I personally struggle with a lot is defensiveness, which is essentially being totally unopen to any kind of feedback around your improvement.
He's an MD. It's a very straight-forward, scientifically-based book on the nutritional aspects of mentalSo, defensiveness. Another one that's extremely common in the work world is what I "victim mentality." And I have a whole chapter about that in here.
And so that's where I get that information about what we do with new information.So my hope today-- it's not like this-- there's so much research on defensiveness.This is a very well-known thing.
Guns are on our mind as a country, I've found out, because I've done some research into this.However, you can predict conflict and defensiveness.It happens to everybody, just like falling off a bike happens to almost everybody who learned how to ride a bike, unless you're
And that's the wrong way.Now, we need to talk about defensiveness.
And I don't-- I'm not sure what that means, Barry.You know, how much is that related to defensiveness of like, no, we decide how we do it?But the future is what Barry describes.
about their personality and how they're likely to behave based on that thin slice.Criticism, content, defensiveness, and stonewalling.
And there's an element of like, if you're on the receiving end of feedback, sometimes there's a defensiveness.
And so as time goes by, swearing changes, and that's because we see shock and disgust and defensiveness
In terms of auditory sensitivity, sensitivity to touch, which is known as tactile defensiveness.
He's an MD. It's a very straight-forward, scientifically-based book on the nutritional aspects of mentalI'm very lucky to have such a patient wife, who will patiently and compassionately say, "Honey, you're doing that defensiveness thing again."
And Gelfand told me later, "There was always some concern about using the 'B' word, a natural defensiveness on the part of Bayesians in terms of rocking the boat. We were always
But the angrier we sound, the more defensive the other person gets and the less able they will be to take in our complaint. And there is our complaining predicament. Our defensiveness
I don't mean to sound defensive. I don't say this really in a spirit of defensiveness, but in a spirit of as you are at the epicenter, here, of really making, setting the terms
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