How to pronounce “avoider” in English

And I went, "Woe, the only constant in there is me." And that's how these patterns started to develop and how we began to work with them. The Martyr becomes an Integrator, and insteadThe Avoider becomes the Initiator, who says, "No, instead of me running from the conflict, I'm going to sit here and make sure we talk about it.”

So they don't have data about these least good outcomes.The avoiders, on the other hand, are great to have on your pandemic or zombie apocalypse team.They know what's the least bad of two evils because they are very aware of the worst of the evils.

We either tend to avoid conflict or we tend to seek it.So avoiders, that's exactly how it sounds.Avoiders are people who probably want to hide under the desk when a disagreement comes up, they really value harmony.

Delete the draft. Put it into a document.The avoiders of the world will spend a lot of time listening, if they've even managed to stay in the room.

Or neither? So it's of course normal that we would sometimes seek and sometimes avoid.You might be an avoider with your boss and a seeker with your mother.You might be an avoider with your friends, but a seeker at work.

You might be an avoider with your boss and a seeker with your mother.You might be an avoider with your friends, but a seeker at work.And that's what you want, that's what you want to do, is be able to figure out when which style is going to work for you, and understand your default

Now there's a caveat about the do nothing option.If you are an avoider, and you're like, oh, I love the do nothing option, I do that all the time, you need to check yourself, because you're likely doing itbecause you're afraid to have some conversations, some difficult conversations.

one way or the other. The Avoider.Anybody here know an avoider? They're the "Gotta Go" guy or gal?They're the ones in meetings, when it gets tense, who will look at their watch and say, "Oops. I have a meeting. I have to call India.” And you say, "Well, it's two o'clock in the

It's too much. They can't see the whole thing.So the Avoider, "Got to go" guy. The Denier, "What problem?” And the Splitter, who says "Well, you know, this guy tells me one thing and I'll believethat. And this other guy tells me something else and I'll believe that.” And you never get anything fully completed.

is to say, "If you can stay here with me and help us through this" -- and these words often work -- "it would mean a lot.” Just those words, "it would mean a lot," usuallyget an avoider to stand still. And that's what we have to do.So we begin to look at all these patterns and how they talk to each other.

They know what's the least bad of two evils because they are very aware of the worst of the evils.It might take longer for the avoider to find the best action because they're learning a lot about these things that they want to avoid.And interestingly, our research in the lab has shown that avoiders also have an advantage in problem-solving because a lot of times

I highly, highly recommend it.Even if you're an avoider, it would help you maybe do a little bit of aversion therapy there.So quick question-- yeah?

What is it that they're going through?Are they a seeker or an avoider?What could be causing this behavior?

But this is a perfectly good option in situations where addressing it directly-- again, maybe you're dealing with someone who's unreasonable,or with an extreme conflict avoider, so talking to a third party who can maybe intervene on your behalf is completely appropriate.This is also inappropriate option in cultures where saving face is really important.

Delete the draft. Put it into a document.So if you tend to be an avoider, and something happens in a meeting, you'll recognize, OK, this is how I always react in these situations.

in the world we don't get feedback from the outside, we have to generate our own feedback as we're trying to solve hard problems.And it turns out that avoiders are really sensitive to knowing when their train of thought is on the wrong track, so to speak when the strategy they're using to try and attacka problem isn't working, an avoider is more sensitive to this and they're more likely to let go of whatever the thing they were doing was and try something different.

But so I just want to get a quick survey in the room of how many avoiders and seekers.How many people think they're avoiders?I would say about half the room.

And I went, "Woe, the only constant in there is me." And that's how these patterns started to develop and how we began to work with them. The Martyr becomes an Integrator, and insteadSo really identifying How do I show up as an Avoider?

And I went, "Woe, the only constant in there is me." And that's how these patterns started to develop and how we began to work with them. The Martyr becomes an Integrator, and insteadAs a Drama Queen -- and I'm married to an Avoider -- I mean, some of the stuff we've done would be Comedy Central. You know, I'm going, "Ba, ba ba, ba ba, ba

the connection between the outcomes of good actions and the context that they were in.And some people who we call stick learners or avoiders, move through life by avoiding things that are disappointing,like whatever other thing I do, I am not going to sing Beyoncé in public again because that I thought I was going to sound

a problem isn't working, an avoider is more sensitive to this and they're more likely to let go of whatever the thing they were doing was and try something different.And I think that this idea of choosers and avoiders and the context that they thrive in really illustrates my last point, which Ithink is the most important point but based on everything I've already told you, I'd like your brain to decide what it thinks is the most important point because I realize

And it turns out that avoiders are really sensitive to knowing when their train of thought is on the wrong track, so to speak when the strategy they're using to try and attacka problem isn't working, an avoider is more sensitive to this and they're more likely to let go of whatever the thing they were doing was and try something different.And I think that this idea of choosers and avoiders and the context that they thrive in really illustrates my last point, which I

My husband and I tried to listen to this together.And my husband, who is an avoider at his core, was so uncomfortable.He was like, how can you listen to this.

And you know, you have an officemate who's a clown who may remind you of your dad who was a clown or a brother who was a clown. So somewhere, there's a connection that goesone way or the other. The Avoider.Anybody here know an avoider? They're the "Gotta Go" guy or gal?

It might take longer for the avoider to find the best action because they're learning a lot about these things that they want to avoid.And interestingly, our research in the lab has shown that avoiders also have an advantage in problem-solving because a lot of timesin the world we don't get feedback from the outside, we have to generate our own feedback as we're trying to solve hard problems.

It should be on iTunes soon.But so I just want to get a quick survey in the room of how many avoiders and seekers.How many people think they're avoiders?

It's definitely ruder to just not call me by name.So you can learn if you are in under emoter or and over emoter, and what that means, and whether you are a seeker or an avoider when it comes to emotional conflict.

And the part of your brain that's going to help you figure out what to do now is this part of the brain.And that results in this cast of characters-- the controller, hyperachiever, restless, stickler, pleaser, and hypervigilant, and avoider, victim,

So first, make sure you tell them that, yes, by goodness, you know, they're really good.And then say, "With all your good skills, here's how you can help.” And that really is a shape-shifter. With an Avoider, who becomes an Initiatoris to say, "If you can stay here with me and help us through this" -- and these words often work -- "it would mean a lot.” Just those words, "it would mean a lot," usually

So a little bit of math suggested to people that if you had five possible answers available, if you can exclude one, then it is the dominant strategyto guess. But if people differ in their willingness to take risk, of course, the risk lovers will be more likely to guess than the risk avoiders.So the new test takes the penalty completely away.